Bereavement

Bereavement is normal but it is not easy - there are no rules for getting through it.

The most common stages of grief

Although everyone is different and grieves in their own way some experiences are common when bereaved and it can be helpful to be aware that deep emotions and swift mood changes are normal.

Feeling numb is often the first reaction to loss, the event may seem unreal, something that is not really happening. It may just last a few hours, days, weeks or even longer. This numbness can help some people to cope with the practical things that must be done. However, it may be a problem if it continues for too long.

You may feel a deep yearning for the person who has died, feel fear of being left alone, a longing for all that has gone, maybe find it difficult to concentrate, to relax, to sleep.

Perhaps you will feel agitated or angry at what has happened, at whoever caused or allowed it to happen, at the injustice or senselessness of it all, disappointment for all the plans that cannot be fulfilled.

You may feel regret for things not done; guilty about things you said or didn’t say, or following an accident, for being alive and uninjured.

This period usually gives way to bouts of intense sadness, silence and withdrawal from friends and family. Over time this starts to lessen and you begin to see life in a more positive light again, even though you may never completely overcome the feeling of loss.

The final phase is letting go of the person who has died and moving on. This helps grief to clear and energy levels and sleeping to return to normal.

How long will it last?

Grieving takes time and should never be hurried. How long depends on you and your situation. Generally it takes one to two years to recover from a major bereavement.

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